As a woman of God and a preacher’s wife at that, I feel the need to be an example to others. It’s important to me that my life reflects God and that I am not a stumbling block to anyone. Importantly, I do not want to be an embarrassment for my husband. I have looked around at the examples of other wives in the church and a lot of my learning comes from there, as well as the scriptures. What I see in the marriages of my brothers and sisters in Christ provides great lessons, sometimes of what not to do.
Let me expressly state that there are awesome couples who wonderfully demonstrate what a Christian marriage should look like. I certainly aspire to be like them. For now, these are some of the not so good things which I have experienced or observed.
1. PDA? No Way!
Looking at some couples, with no knowledge of their connection, one would never know they were husband and wife! There is never any kind of physical contact between them. Now don’t get me wrong – I am not at all suggesting make-out sessions between prayers. I am referring to those persons who never touch casually during conversation, who don’t hold hands or even exchange smiles, and God forbid they should ever sit together!
2. Let’s Talk About Sex, or Not
The church seems to approach sex as if it’s something bad. And I understand, since it only seems to be mentioned when someone has fornicated, or if we’re talking about sin and an example is needed. Well, helloooo fornication! It’s rarely, if ever, emphasised as a glorious gift which a husband and wife ought to engage in (very, very frequently) and enjoy thoroughly. It seems sex is only useful for procreation. Otherwise, it appears ‘sex night’ comes around, the reluctant wife lies on her back with her head to the side, raises her nightgown to just below her neck and allows her husband to do his business. I guess if persons are uncomfortable with a casual touch in public, it seems only natural that their sex life will reflect that.
3. ‘Marriage is a Rocky Road’
In the months leading up to and immediately following our wedding, J and I got advice from all quarters. Since we are mostly around other Christians, most of that advice came from them, primarily the women. Unfortunately, it seemed several of these sisters were married to non-Christian men, which most definitely accounts for their marital advice warnings. ‘Marriage is a rocky road’ one of them shared one Sunday. She continued ‘I been doing it for 40 years’, much to my amazement. Why on earth would someone willingly engage in 40 years of rockiness? Unless she was one of the children of Israel, it simply made no sense to me! That’s more than half of someone’s life cycle!!!
4. Cover Thyself!
I have a major challenge with the male/female clothing double standard, especially when persons begin to talk about modesty. Dunno why it’s okay for a brother to be running on the beach in just his shorts, while I ought not to wear a bikini, or any kind of swimsuit minus a cover-up, usually in the form of an oversized T-shirt. But I digress. Some Christian couples I’ve observed don’t seem to buy into the idea of looking hot for each other. It’s oversized dowdy clothes to worship service, to the supermarket, to work and then when you get home. While I can perhaps appreciate wanting to ‘cover up’ or to maintain modesty, this doesn’t have to translate to dowdy! And behind the walls of your home, clothing should be optional, but if you choose to wear something (besides a smile), strings, lace and cutouts ought to be the primary choices for both parties.
So what’s my point? For seasoned couples, like J and me (almost a year, lol), we ought to be mindful of the examples that we are providing for those around us. Marriage is a noble and wonderful institution, so let’s make every effort to live our marriages in the way God intended – happy, naked and unashamed.
What are some of the things that you observe about the married couples around you? Leave me a comment!