As some of you may know, my husband Joel Jovaine is a Christian YouTuber. I’m super proud of the work he does on his channel, including some of the stuff we have done together. Recently, he saw one of his early videos. It was a no-frills sort of production – there is no real backdrop, the shot had to be tight because he recorded in a very small space and the graphics are minimalist. If I am correct, there were also some behind the scenes acrobatics with the DIY ‘light stands’ he had made. Nevertheless, I applauded his effort.
The entire reason we were watching the video was for confirmation that someone continues to post his content on a cable TV station without his permission. That’s a story for another time. However, when he saw the video, he didn’t exactly have one of those ‘gotcha!’ moments, being given evidence of the transgression. Instead, he looked critically at the TV screen and blurted out ‘Cringe!’, much to my surprise.
You see, my husband is my hero. And this isn’t me being a groupie wife who is blinkered to his faults. I truly admire who he is and how he is. I constantly tell him how proud I am of his work; he is a student of his craft – as a photographer, videographer, editor and storyteller. Being trained in video production myself, I know the ins and outs of what he does, or attempts to do. His diligence is exceptional. So understandably, I was very taken aback when his response to his work was one of criticism, which is completely unlike him.
I mentioned this to him afterwards, commenting that what I saw was progress and that he should be grateful for how far God has brought him. He expressed that he wasn’t necessarily coming from a place of ingratitude. His explanation was to ask me a question. ‘Have you ever done something and then when you look back at it you just cringe in disbelief?’
My mind went to back when I was living in sin, and sinning after I had become a Christian. I thought of all the things I had done that were not in accordance with God’s will –they were all cringe-worthy. Today, that’s a good thing. Being able to look at my life and identify the things that don’t look or sound too good gives me the opportunity to run to my Heavenly Father and beg for his forgiveness. When I see my faults, my heart breaks, knowing I am breaking God’s heart.
How about you? Does sinning against God cause you to feel ashamed of your work? Are you cringing about some of the things you do in your own life? After you cringe, look to God. He is ready to forgive you.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.